Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Blind dates - time to let this skeleton out

" People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot.  But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar" Sarah Jessica Parker
OK, today might be the day to do it.  You know, get one of those skeletons out of the ol' closet.  Discussion forums can be dangerous.  They hook you in with seemingly harmless questions and before you know it, you're spilling your guts out.

Yeah, I know I'm rambling and you're finding it hard to keep up.  So here's the nuts and bolts of it.  I was responding to a question about blind dates in a blogcatalog discussion thread and I was reminded of that single blind date I had.

Blind Date  Blind Date/My Stepmother Is an Alien  Blind Date (Ws)

Actually, I tell a lie.  I've had 3 blind dates now that I think of it!  Omg, how could I have forgotten!  Probably because they were all so long ago and nothing that I was particularly proud of.

They were nothing to be ashamed of either but I'd be lying if I told you I don't feel a tinge of... mmm...embarrassment thinking about them.  I mean, it's not something that I would want to broadcast, you know?

So why do I feel embarrassed?  Do I have to answer that question?  Yeah, well I might as well.

I guess it's mostly because I feel a bit of a 'failure' for having resorted to blind dates in the hope of finding the perfect man for me.  It's silly, I know.

It wasn't as if I wasn't meeting men and therefore needed some 'help'.  My workplace was teeming with them but they weren't guys I was attracted to.

I think the idea of a 'blind date' was enticing at the time. Looking back, I think it helped my imagination go on a bit of a joy ride, giving me some of the excitement that was clearly missing in my life at the time.  Work took up most of my energy and kids the rest. 

In fact, it got to a point that I was beginning to feel depressed.  (Gosh, it's all slowly coming back to me now. Damn skeletons).

I'd been to see  a counselor a few years before at the time my marriage was breaking up.  I found him useful and someone whose opinion I respected.  So, years later, when I could see myself starting to spiral down that vortex of depression, I gave him a call.

  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It  Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (New & Revised)
The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression: A Step-by-step Program (Workbook)

We talked and the gist of his advice was this: There's no reason why you should hold out on having a good time until you meet the 'perfect' guy.  Just relax, have fun and let whatever happens happen.

So I did.  And it released the pressure that was building up and dragging me down.  I was fortunate to have met some really nice men.  Yeah, nice, but my heart didn't flip and I didn't get excited about soaring into the galaxy with them.

I think at least one of them had rather hoped I would but I didn't and I wasn't going to pretend that I thought it might happen someday either.  So, eventually, it all stopped.  The pressure had been released and I had regained my confidence.  Funny that confidence thing - I hadn't even realized I'd lost it!

What's Holding You Back?: 30 Days to Having the Courage and Confidence to Do What You Want, Meet Whom You Want, and Go Where You Want   Unstoppable Confidence: How to Use the Power of NLP to Be More Dynamic and Successful  The Confidence Plan: How to Build a Stronger You  Confidence

Anyways, that was all a long time ago.  There's a part of me that knows it was all good, all valuable, all necessary. That initial embarrassment I felt at the start of this post has gone.  I was a brave woman for having done it, for taking myself well out of my comfort zone.  And it's helped me realize that we're here to enjoy life and there's so many ways of doing that.

Out of the Comfort Zone

Depending on where you are, emotionally, mentally and physically, you're drawn to different things.  As long as you're not out to hurt anyone, including yourself, you'll find the field green and wide and the playground always open.

It's all part of your journey and every part is just as important and just as meaningful.  Really.  It takes a while to realize that, but eventually you do.  Nothing's wasted, you know.

Now, who am I saying this to?  You or me?  Perhaps both.

Just me, TBT

"To me every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle" Walt Whitman


  1. When you ask "Why bother to try to understand life," you seem to be suggesting a mental or academic type of understanding. In this case I would wholeheartedly agree that there is no point to trying to understand life in that way because life is infinite; the mind if finite.

    However, I would argue that true understanding happens only when we transcend the mind and identify ourselves instead with the true source of our being.

    But that's just my two cents...

  2. Hey Scott, thanks so much for your great comment. Unfortunately its attached to the wrong post so I'm going to copy and past it so that it appears with the related post :)



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