Monday, September 27, 2010

This unremarkable drift

I was going to write about this child who got lost and how, although he seemed pretty sanguine about it (you know, ignorance is bliss), it was heart-wrenching for me.  I was feeling the anguish of his parents or at least, the anguish that I would have felt had my child gone missing for 5 minutes let alone forty minutes and then some. 

And I couldn't help feeling both grateful that the child (about two and a half to three) was oblivious of his situation as well as how terrified and alone I'd be feeling as a child if I'd had the misfortune to be clued in. Know what I mean?

I waited some forty minutes as I watched one of the girls from the park management team keep this tiny angel company (or was it the other way around?), distract him by talking to him and making up games to play, all of which he took to with the calm and decorum of someone who knew no fear.  Oh, how I wish I could be as calm and unperturbed when unexpected or undesirable things happen to me. 

Okay, it's true, I'm a lot more calm and relaxed about most things and I tend to be more so when others around me get into a bit of flap.  But there are times when the entire world is spinning out of control inside me though you'd never know it on the outside.  Well, perhaps I exaggerate.  Perhaps it's not quite as out of control as I seem to think it is.  Perhaps it's just my fear that it is.  This mind can get pretty conflicted sometimes, you know?

So, despite changing my mind about what I was going to write, I have managed to tell the original story and I find that I've no where else to go with it.  It's been told, it's done and I'm glad I've got it out of my system.

Now, for a not so subtle change of direction, did I ever mention how much I love the blues?  I really, really love the blues, especially blues rock.  I wish I had a scratchy, blues voice or a deep mama voice.  I have neither.  Not that those are the only voices that can sing the blues well, just that I kinda wish I could sing 'em like that :)

Right, am not even sure why I've started talking about the blues.  Could it be because I'm listening to a cool blues program that's on the radio just now? :)  Or the fact that I'm so looking forward to my guitar lesson/session tomorrow with a local muso whose blues style I just love?

Anyhow, I best call it quits here before I drive myself and you insane with this unremarkable drift...apologies if its been irksome.  But if it prompts you to share your thoughts, please do. I always love reading other people's drift :)

 PS  Oh, how could I not write about this part of the story? 

The park girl assured me that a crew was going around looking for the parents.  Still, I really didn't want to leave without the assurance that the child and his parents were reunited.  So I held this intention - I just want to know that it's going to happen soon because there's already been too much suffering (on the part of the parents, at least).

Instead of making my way back towards the bridge which would take me to the city - it was after seven and dark - I started walking back into the park.  Well, I hadn't gone a few meters when I saw two women, their faces filled with an anguish that was not yet ready to go, and a security man who was leading them in the direction of the child. 

My heart just soared way over the clouds that had been lingering around it and I called out to the women, "Your child is safe.  He's right over there!"

I floated along that bridge and home that night :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

And some time it's been....

Sigh - Yeah, it's like that. I'm beginning this with the weight of guilt and disappointment for not being more consistent with this blog.  I'm also encumbered by the uncertainty of when my next post will be. makes me wonder...why am I posting now?

Truth? Because for a very brief, nanosecond-like moment, I felt like I wanted to and so here I am.  Which is one way of saying that in all the time since my last post, I've not had that kind of a moment. makes me wonder...why I haven't...

'Honestly?  I think it's because I've had other things on my mind.  Like a romantic interest (although NOTHING was said or done by me or the object of my desire - was he completely unaware of how I felt?  Or was he just as scared as I was to say or do anything about it?  Or were the feelings simply not mutual?).

And besides that, I've been blissfully engaged with my music, songwriting and recording and songwriting some more.  And I've been writing for money - quite a bit more money than I was getting.  So that's all been good.

But this songwriting journey, yeah, it's taken a bit of a new direction, which is a little scary.  The last lot of songs I wrote and recorded were risk-free - transcendent stuff revolving around the eternal truths of life and love. 

But the songs I'm writing now are different in subject and sound - speaking of vulnerability and uncertainty and longings that may never be realized and that may even be considered unconventional or at least unpopular...but at least they're all true.  There's integrity,  

Not that the previous lot lacked integrity - no, not at all.  Just that they didn't feel as close to the bone as these ones.  Doesn't make the latter more authentic, I don't think, but might make them more accessible, more the sort of thing that more people can relate to.

Funny, I didn't think I'd be writing about my songwriting.  For that matter, I really had no idea what I'd be writing about.  So, forgive me if this isn't quite your cup of tea, assuming you're reading this.  /Well, there's nothing to assume there - if you're reading this, you are. brain's gone mushy, I think.  Mushy peas?

Perhaps this might be a good place to stop?  Yep, I think so.  Do stop and say 'hi' if you're reading this - it will put a big smile on me face :)


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