'For no apparent reason'

I like simple answers.  I think most people do.  But we don’t always get simple answers in life, which can be a right pain in the rear.

Why are Mum and Dad divorced?  

Because they don’t feel they can continue to live with each other?

Why not?

Because they want different things in life and they feel they won't be able to have them while they are together.

In that case, can my little brother and I get divorced?

Eh, well no.

Why not?

Because you aren’t married.

But I don’t think we can continue to live with each other either.  And I want different things to what he wants.

Yes, but you’re not married to your little brother so it would not be possible to divorce him.

Well then, can we not live together anyway?

What’s the simple answer to that?  No?  If so, why not?  Yes?  If so, really? 

I wish we had simple answers to all questions.  

I suppose you might be wondering: What’s a ‘simple’ answer?  What’s the definition of ‘simple’?  And why is ‘simple’ attractive or desirable?

All good questions and, sadly, no simple answers!

The Free Online Dictionary offers several definitions, one of which is: 

having or composed of only one thing, element or part

When an answer is simple, it either speaks to only one part of a multifaceted whole or speaks to all of the whole equally.

Both of these may be adequate sometimes, though not always.

Any answer that satisfies a need is appealing.  An answer that does not require much or any additional information or processing than has already been expended is highly desirable.  And it is simple.

However, a short answer like Yes, No, I don’t know or Maybe, while brief and apparently simple may in fact pose, mask or invite great complexity.  

For instance,

How are you feeling?

I don’t know.

Why don’t you know?

Hmm…how does one answer that?

Or

How are you feeling?

I don’t know.

Are you feeling sad?

Maybe.

Are you feeling confused?

Maybe.

Are you feeling comfortable?

Yes.

What is one to make of that???

Or again:

Can you explain yourself?

No.

Hmm…I wonder why…

So why am I interested in simple answers?  Because I find myself asking difficult questions like

What is this feeling I’m feeling where I’m despondent for no apparent reason?

How can I get out of it?

Why does this feeling feel sweet yet melancholic?  And,

Why am I afraid of it?

‘For no apparent reason’ is the least simple of all answers, come to think of it.

These vague feelings that had been prowling around my mind

Four million deaths since 1998 in the Republic of Congo.

Less than $1 for a day's work in a rice field in Thailand, provided you make your quota. If you don't, your wages get docked.

An innocent man who's already spent 12 years in a prison in Texas for a crime he never committed.

A twelve year-old girl in Afghanistan who was set on fire for refusing to marry a man thirty years older.

A  three-month old infant in Nigeria dies from a preventable disease.

A protester shot in Bangkok.

100 million more Indians living under the poverty line today than six years ago.

Part of my TV dinner.  This is the world at 6pm on a very normal day.  There is nothing abnormal here, neither my reaction (or lack of it) nor the events that have occurred and that continue to occur.

The words of Phil Collin's 'Just another day in paradise' keep running through my mind. What an odd, odd thing.  Or is it? Perhaps it's as normal as everything else on this very normal day.  But paradise?

Have I lost sight of what's normal?  Is it just as normal for me to be blogging about it?  Am I really interrogating the meaning of 'normal'?  What is this really about?  Is there anything I can do?  Do I want to?

This afternoon, I had a chat with myself. I asked myself what it was that I really wanted?  As images of a grand home, loving partner and family, wealth and world travel fleeted through my mind, another set of images hung around persistently.  Images of homeless people, children dying from preventable diseases,  people living in stinking, putrid squalor and children and adults laboring long hours everyday and not always earning enough to feed themselves.

I asked myself if I felt guilty about wanting the things that I wanted and if having them would be denying those who didn't and couldn't.  No, I didn't feel guilty and no, I didn't believe that.

I asked myself if I still wanted what I'd previously identified I'd wanted as they appeared in those images. Yes, I did.  So why was I still feeling this unease? 

I realized then that more than what I'd wanted for myself, I wanted to share with those people what I knew and believed - that they could have a better life if only they'd believe it were possible.  I just wanted to share with them what I knew and believed, and, if they wanted it, I would help them in whatever way I could. 

My spirit lifted then upon this realization. It was the first time I'd fully articulated these vague feelings that had been prowling around my mind for what I now realized, had been years, in terms of their associated desires. This was perhaps the least  normal thing about my day.